I think I hate her

I know I say my relationship with my mother is complicated, but I don’t think it is actually. I genuinely think I hate her. Because I know there are those small moments where we’re fine, but the truth is that I hate her.

Deep down I know my mother is as stubborn as the day is long. Excuse after excuse after excuse about why I can’t do anything, yeah she’ll proudly argue that I have no life and that I need to change things. Need a job? I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you can’t. Wanna go out with friends? Nope, and your probably too mental ill to be around people. Need someone to talk about your feelings? I’m gonna make you feel like shit for it, then preach that you shut me out for kicks.

She will never be more than the scary, angry adult she was when I was six, regardless of how much she mellows out. She’s so morally superior- like she’s in any position to be judgmental at all. Like she’s got her entire life figured out- she just knows everything. She’s so much smarter and knows so much- yet she’s shit with decisions.

You know, sometimes I think I’m wrong to feel like this, and then she proves exactly why she’s an arrogant idiot. I swear to hod I would leave if I could, but she refuses to give me literally any of my personal info so I can’t even get a job and all my friends live too far away. The idea that I have to respect her and live with her for another year is genuinely exhausting. I hate it here