I think I’m just to emotional or something but…

This ain’t gonna be another funny post but I hate seeing guys I like get together with a girl ok so let me get this straight I’m a gay guy and I guess I’m kinda social and wacky but when I comes to calls and text I don’t respond and I guess I just keep getting TikTok’s about guys and MLM relationships and I’m just rotting in my bed and I hate it I just want a boyfriend to feel real love but all the guys I like are straight or they are someone who would probably never date me and I hate it I am literally crying as I write this I just feel so lonely I want someone to hold to be with and I keep thinking I’m to ugly or no one would want me and I guess it’s always been my dream to have someone to hold onto someone to talk to someone to live but I just can’t and I hate it it’s so hard and some people seem so nice but there straight and my head is hurting and I’m. Tying but I’m so tired of pretending that I’m fine I just feel so empty and I can’t even tell my parents cause there homophobic and I normally talk to my older sister cause she is a lesbian with a gf but I just feel like I can never find someone I feel so useless I don’t know where this is going any more and I hate sounding desperate but I am and I hate that about myself and my therapist keeps saying the same thing “you’ll find someone eventually” or there are plenty fish in the sea yeah but I don’t see any with rainbow eradesant scales that say love me I just see the same guys who bully me the same guys that hate me for being different for being me