I turned 18, and I'm okay with it

This will be a long one…

The day before my birthday, I left school early, sick and bitter at the thought of turning 18 the next day. I was just too tired to deal with a birthday.

The day of my birthday, I woke up and laid there for a while. I didn’t feel feel angry like I did the day before, though. I drove to school and played some good music, some songs that I used to love when they came out in primary school. Very nostalgic, but in a way that made me smile, not the usual way where it makes me nauseous.


Then it’s period one, and my friend isn’t there. So sad. Thankfully, she showed up just late! We laughed as quietly as we could at the funny photos we were taking on our laptops while simultaneously trying to memorise quotes from Hamlet.

Then lunch time, all my friends pile up to our spot one by one, and every time someone new comes they sing happy birthday from the very start again. I’m feeling all the love and I’m not feeling so unsure anymore!! Then, they surprise me with a massive box of my favourite donuts!!!! That’s why my friend was late to first period, she wanted to make sure I didn’t see the donuts. Im feeling the love!!! I get a really awesome card from one of my friends, a can of coke from another other, and a sausage roll from another! All things so specific to me.

But it gets better….

I get home and get surprised with like a butt ton of money from my parents that I can put towards buying a car!! Like it is a CRAZY amount of money!! AHHHH A CAR IS COMING MY WAY!!!

Then my friends pick me up to go get some ice cream. My friends boyfriend works at the place and he gave us a whole bunch of free food #awesome. We then drove to a bottle shop so I could get alcohol myself for the first time. I GOT ASKED FOR ID!!!!!! But the guy didn’t wish me happy birthday….

When I got back to the car (they parked waaaaayyy down the street cuz they r all still underaged) they told me to put the bottle in the boot of the car. I opened it up and they said “SURPRISE!” There were more gifts!!!! They got me the build a bear we all commented on a month ago on how “its so me.” Its a little calico cat in a duck raincoat with converse! They even got it a little guitar to hold aaawwuuugghhhhwwww. Then my friend got the score of a life time at a thrift shop and gifted me a wolf poster with a rainbow in the back. So freaking awesome. On top of that, they gave me a sonic the hedgehog water gun. We sat behind the cars and hung out for an hour. Felt very very loved.

I hadn’t exactly been dreading my 18th birthday like a lot of people do, I definitely wasn’t excited though. I’d just been feeling empty and unsure. I wasn’t sure how to feel about hitting such a milestone, whether I’m ready to grow up. 
But now, I’m still the same person I was before my birthday and I’m fine

I’m existed for the party I’m throwing next week, I get to see all my friends including the one who gifted me the cutest keychain and a tiny fawn figure a few days ago!

I’m 18!!! This means I can go to all the concerts and gigs I want!! I’d been devastatingly barred from so many concerts, but that won’t hold me back now!! Chiodos, Fall Of Troy, and La Dispute, here I come!!!

TLDR: the existential emptiness has left and I’m okay with turning 18!