I want a bf. mlm

Collection of my rants about romance. (if you've seen these before on Tumblr, they are not stolen!!!)

I feel so useless yearning for love, Love feels so far away from me. I've seen my online friends who are younger than me get a partner they love and I can't help but wonder when and if that'll ever happen to me. I've never had someone confess their love to me. (or even ask me to be friends www) All I've ever had its the mocking "Hey my friend likes you" or "My friend wondered if they could get your snap!" from classmates as they sit in their groups, Laughing, Whispering and Giggling. This is my last year coming up at this school, I hope I am able to get a partner before I leave. I don't necessarily want to have one from my current school, in fact, I hate them all.

But at least a partner my age, that lives near me, and loves me as much as I love them. I want mutual love and devotion. I don't want to waste my love and devotion for someone that doesn't feel the same for me.

I feel like a loser. I've written five pages in my notebook about how much I want a partner, and what I wish for in a partner. Looking back my requirements could be read as the bare minimum, but since im the writer I can't really give them a title of what they could be considered. Looking at other people's relationships makes me so jealous, I always feel envy for the most basic of things.

(rest arent on Tumblr)

I know a boyfriend is quite a big ask especially considering how anti social I am. It's not like I'll get one from just sitting in my room and rotting, or from silently sitting at rehearsal reading my lines. I've also had people say my dependency is annoying, that I get too easily attached, and so on. I'm trying to work on it but it feels like an impossible endless quest.

Then of course, The major factor. I live in Sweden. The chances of finding a boy (13-16) that isn't SD, nazi, ableist, homophobe, transphobe, so on, is slim to none. I think at least. 

Tried to befriend a person at my school when I first started, the first thing they did was to do the hitler salute... I'm genuinely confused for where they thought that was fine, or that I be a fan of it (?).

Back to the main subject.

I feel like I just got over my awkwardness and socialization issues I could possibly get a boyfriend. Also, If I was less of a loser. Because in all honesty who would want someone like me. -_-"

I'll update this when it isn't 04:30 and I'm extremely sleep deprived. My heart is pounding like crazy from the lack of sleep. nvm editing now and its 5:03

I just want to be somewhere that accepts me, with someone that accepts me. But at the same time, I know the odds are against me. I'm an anti social man, who's a nerd, I'm mentally ill, And even if I find someone who loves me they'll probably just see me as a woman. 

My dream is to have a bf and a group of friends who I could share my interests with.

Basically to sum up:

I want a bf my age (or in the 13-16 (possibly 17 but idk) age range), that lives near me, and loves me as much as I love him.

To be able to share my interests with him.

Preferably slightly taller (which isnt hard considering im on the shorter end at 155cm ish)

and just the basic human decency and respect.

yeah thats about it, I'll write if I come up with anything. good night.