i yearn for a long dead world

im drunk as fuck right now so bear with my rambling

but i always think about stuff like this when i drink so DEAL WITH IT !!!

ive been thinking back to covid recently. many people consider those years the worst of their life, which is reasonable, but for me... those were the best years! 

im not built for traditional socialization

im not built for society as it is rn in general

ive always done thing differently and that means when the world returns to it's norm im left behind

i cant socialize in person in the slightest. i only know how to be somewhat charming over text and even then its still a struggle. 

my entire schooling was online

as is my current job

i love my job do NOT get me wrong but it is very lonely

im living pretty good and i feel secure

but theres no human factor

i dont want to say "i have no friends" because i absolutely do. i just dont have friends that are on 24/7 like before. covid basically brought everyone's schedule into my world for a few years and then reversed back to norm. 

i guess what im getting at is that i feel very alone in my current life? i dunno

im too chronically online for normies but im not obsessive and weird enough to fit in to modern fandom culture

i really only find some relief in the neet groups here

even tho im employed i live the life of a neet mostly lmfao

im just rambling now sorry

but yea

just wanted to write for once

im gonna finish this tequila now