Ideation

I always hope for the best in others' lives and such because I know I'm not worthy of anything good in my own life so I can only pray for others. I say this right now and am typing this as a blog because I'm having horrible thoughts again. These are thoughts that flow in and out my mind they transform and grow stronger and stronger. They include stuff such as me believing I'll die alone and miserable, never realizing my dreams or potential, dying without a cause, and worst of all ending up as a failure and failing everyone. It never was meant to be in my life that I was worthy to love someone, so I deeply believe the first one. I cannot love like a normal human being. I am a horrible person and thus I deserve horrible things towards me. 

I don't believe in a god in the end, so it is the people the small amount I cling onto still who I pray too in the end...