Identity and other things.

There are many things that i dislike, such as dogs, flies, the place where i live, the heat and other few things. But my identity is what i dislike most, not because i hate myself or my gender, but because i don't fit in with anyone. Even when i find people that have the same interests as me it never takes long for it to fade away into memories. It's irretating and frustrating at times. Once i asked a teacher in biology about the documentary we were watching and if he knew a movie director that made similar docus. He didn't even look at me. Didn't say a word. I know i talked loud enough. And that was a year ago. Wich is ironic since i started to realise i was getting memory issues a few years ago. But those moments are the ones that i can remember when i can't remember what i ate for dinner yesterday. Maybe it is puberty. What do i know after all. I just deeply hope for someone to understand me, the words that i'm saying and yes, i sound desperate but i can't bite it back any longer. 

I would like to have someone gentle, someone that doesn't look down at me or past me. Someone i can feel, someone who i can look into their eyes and not at the same boring wall. Someone that talks to me, someone that is quiet when it needs to be. Someone with their own mind, their own thoughts, someone that doesn't wear a mask of social acceptance. Someone that let's me sink my teeth in their skin but not to mark or draw blood but to feel. Someone that doesn't need sex in a relationship, someone caring, someone creative, someone beautiful from the inside and outside, someone with their own fantasies, someone with ideas that lay in the middle in the spectrum of descruction and rebuild. Someone respectful, someone polite, someone slightly rude for a change. Someone with a wide smile, someone with hands that felt more than i can describe, someone thoughtful, someone impulsive, someone accepting, someone that can hate but smile. Someone that doesn't support but accepts. Someone that doesn't follow but respects. Someone with common sense. Someone, someone, someone...

This felt good to type out.