If anyone is studying psychology please help (or if u r a regular person too I appreciate it I'm desperate plz thnx)

I will rank how I usually feel I need serious help but I have no one to help me, if you are interested in more detail about my state look at my other blogs, please help me figure out what is wrong with me I want to change and stop being so annoying bothering useless whiny irritating and painful to look at to everyone else

Sad 10/10

Empty 10/10

Happy 1/10

Exhausted 100000/10

Low energy 10/10

Sleep 9.5/10

Phone/internet/device time 0.7/10

Will to do anything 0/10

Wish to do anything 3/10

Memory 1/10

Speech mistakes 7/10

Writing mistakes 6/10

Hygiene neglect 9/10    (I only bath in the bathtub nothing else)

Angry 0/10

Scared 7/10

How close I am to my family 2.5/10

Drinking water 10/10

Eating 10/10

Preparing food 4/10 (it exhausts me)

Cleaning my room (0/10)

Everything feels blurry 10/10

Ability to cry 0.7/10

Attention span 1/10    (It used to be good but now it's awful and no I don't watch shorts) 

Decision making 0/10

The idea of what's going on 1/10

Aware of my surroundings 0/10      (It used to be very good but now I have a bad sense of direction and get lost really easily)

Social skills 8/10  (ppl seem to like me but my sister says I'm embarrassing her)

Random things

My family is never available to help me and only complain how annoying I am and how they are victims.

My sister yells at me non stop and takes my stuff no matter how precious it is to me and refusesbto give it back and even loses it and my parents don't mind and she has no consequences.

I feel watched 24/7 bc my sister won't ever leave our room and I have nowhere else to go and she has and is non stop looking at what I'm doing and yelling at me non stop and screeching.

Both my parents act very absent, I wish I had a babysitter who would take care of me and help me do basic tasks but that doesn't exist and I'm not a baby.

My parents don't allow me to visit any other family members and I don't know why.

My mom's response to everything is "you didn't eat or sleep" but I sleep very well and eat non stop.

I am in a constant fear someone to I'll take the little stuff I have bc my sister takes my stuff all the time, my parents say I'm lying but I found proof! They still don't believe it but at least I have proof for myself to know I'm not going crazy...

I thought I imagined and made up a bunch of scenarios in my head my whole life BS everyone told me that and how I made up things that didn't happen and I believed it for so long, but I found proof it's not true and now I'm shocked I was not hallucinating manipulating or lying at all!

I wanna help around the house like clean and I told my mom to tell me if I need to clean something but she refuses to invite me... I feel so useless and I am useless

I have always hated sad stuff like if we need to read a sad story for school or sad songs bc I wanna be happy, I always like happy and joyful stuff and I find sad stuff extremely boring

I was convinced into having anger issues my whole life until I found out it's not true and I was lied to...

I tried to die once but I did it wrong and now I'm alive and i feel so stupid bc I did that wrong and my family just forgot about it probably bc they thought I faked it bc I made a mistwke (thank god)

I don't wanna die anymore, but when I did i called a hotline and they beat me up for it bc I can ruin their lives and reputation (they usually never beat me up)

There are no hotlines where I lice except the sulslde one, but i dont wanna die anymore, and even if there were, I would get beaten up. I'm not allowed to call them, and there i also no way for me to be alone

Thank you so much I really want to change but idk what to do!!!!!!!