Illness Rant

Hey guys, 

No ones gonna see this but anyway here is my rant about my illnesses I guess. Its also a bit to spread awareness because I feel like most people know very little about all of these illnesses.

So to start off I have scoliosis. I have very mild scoliosis so I literally cannot imagine how horrible it must be to live with severe scoliosis. Because my scoliosis is mild I don't know anything about like having a brace or getting surgery or whatever but I still live in pretty constant pain and it really annoying it makes it hard to stand for long periods of time. Its also been proven that scoliosis can lead to suicide and suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation which is definitely something that I have struggled with in my life. Scoliosis is not counted as a chronic illness or a disability so we are often left out of the conversation but it is a very difficult condition to live with.

I also live with dyspraxia (developmental coordination disorder) which a neurodevelopmental condition which I feel that nobody knows about. Having dyspraxia is genuinely the bane of my existence because it impacts every aspect of my life. Dyspraxia affects gross motor skills (such as balance, jumping, running, climbing, riding a bike), fine motor skills (handwriting, using utensils, fastening buttons, tying shoelaces), speech and oral movement (challenges coordinating tongue and mouth movements which leads to articulation/verbal dyspraxia), cognitive and executive function (short-term memory, time management, spatial awareness and organization) and can cause fatigue. Dyspraxia affects roughly 5-6% of the population yet literally nobody knows about it at all, it is also linked to autism.

I have hypermobility in places such as my arms and one leg. I also have suspected hEDS (hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome) but I am not fully diagnosed yet. Hypermobility specialists and EDS specialists are so hard to get into which is honestly the hardest part of having hypermobility. Hypermobility can be linked to scoliosis and affects collagen and connective tissues but it is a cool party trick I guess.

Due to multiple concussions within the span of 6 months, I have Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV). BPPV means that when I move my head side-to-side or up and down I get spinning vertigo for short periods of time. Other symptoms include loss of balance, lightheadedness, nausea, vomiting and involuntary eye movements.

I also have retained moro and tlr reflexes. When you are born you have primitive reflexes that you are meant to lose overtime (moro reflex fades between ages 4-6 months and tlr reflex fades after 3 months to 3 years) but i did not lose my reflexes. Retained moro reflex causes sensory hypersensitivity (bright lights, loud noises, unexpected touch and scratchy clothing), sensory overload, motion sickness, balance or coordination issues, chronic anxiety and edginess, emotional outbursts, impulse control challenges, social and attention difficulties, exaggerated startles response, adrenal fatigue and sleep issues and weakened immune function. Retained tlr reflex causes low muscle tone and rigid/tense posture, slumping or collapsing forward while sitting at a desk or writing, ape-like or stiff walking and running movements, toe walking or difficulty maintaining a superman prone position, poor general balance, clumsiness and frequent stumbling, difficulty with bilateral coordination (riding a bike, swimming, catching a ball), motion sickness, dizziness or severe discomfort when rolling, swinging or tilting head backwards, needing to sit down for basic tasks such as putting shoes on, poor spatial awareness and judgement of distance, eye-tracking difficulties, visual-perception struggles sometimes mistaken for dyslexia, dysgraphia or dyscalculia.

If you read this whole thing thank you so much and feel free to ask me any questions that you have. I fear nobody is seeing this but thank you so much xx

song of the entry: Sunday School by Bo Burnham