i’m just tired

So my dad didn’t go to college, trade school, or graduate high school, yet he’s doing really well for himself. 

My mother didn’t go to school to be a nurse until years after high school so that she could raise money for herself.

I’ve known what I wanted to do for two years & have been wanting to work for 4 years. I however just finding difficulties so I’m applying to random jobs in my area that’re entry level. I’ve been saying this so often so I’m not going to say too much about this.

My mom & dad have talked to me about my future & they both said that they wanted me to do something where if they weren’t there I’d be fine on my own.

That’s so unrealistic. I’m only 18. Almost no 18 year old is just getting out of their parent’s house. Almost no 18 year old is just going to be fine when things go horribly. I’m still trying to figure out my life, especially with being rejected from what I would actually want to do.

Today with my mother talking to me about this, I honestly just wanted to maybe go away from home for a while on my own. With nothing to do. With almost no money. Things just haven’t gone the way I hoped they would for about 2 years & my family makes me feel like a loser for it. No one in my family can understand that I’m actually trying. My mom & dad want me to go to trade school, meanwhile I still don’t know what I want to do now that the places I want don’t want me. 

Before & after getting my teeth worked on, the dentist talked to me about my life, she reminded me that I’m not a loser (even though everything else would make me feel this way), especially since there’s something I want from life & that I should go somewhere I don’t dread working at. It kind of sucks that a dentist is showing more care than my family. It’s not that they don’t care, they just don’t understand me at all. I’m just not like any of them.

Overall, this suffering needs to end soon.