I'm Not Ignoring You, I Just Hate Phone Calls

I get stressed out when people call me because phone calls feel like a trap. A text gives me time. I can read it, think about my response, edit it, and make sure it sounds right. But a phone call is live, unscripted, and unpredictable. I don’t know what the person wants, how long it will take, or if it’s good or bad news.

It's a control anxiety, I guess due to having ASD and being bullied growing up. I need to feel prepared, and phone calls take that away. I can’t pause the conversation to think. I can’t reread what was said. I have to respond in real-time, and that pressure feels overwhelming. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, I just don’t want to be caught off guard. 

I hate phone calls because I can’t take back what I say. Once something comes out of my mouth, it’s out and that terrifies me. What if I say something wrong? What if I sound stupid or stumble over my words? What if there’s an awkward silence? Every phone call feels like being on stage. I’m hyper-aware of how I sound...my tone, my pauses, my laugh, and the fear of messing up makes the whole thing exhausting. 

For me, texting is protection. It's a way to stay in control of the conversation.

Does anyone else feel this way about phone calls? OR socializing in general?