I’m so done

I can’t do this anymore like genuinely it’s so tiring I fucking hate myself and i genuinely feel like im a horrible person and friend but i can’t help the way I act towards people whenever im with a friend i always annoy them but i can’t help myself its like this impulsive need to annoy them or get their attention maybe? Idk i just hate myself because after awhile of being fucking rude to them and annoying them get mad at me and so I’m sitting there feeling horrible abt myself and rethinking about what had happened and then I feel embarrassed and a little sad because I feel like shit because I can’t believe what a horrible friend I am and it’s not just this I just say rude things to people but idk it’s just my way of showing affection I like don’t know how else to bond with others 

somebody help :p