im so frustrated

All ive been doing this summer is fucking bedrotting and i dont even know why I cant just get up and do something

Hobbies? nope they suck now you suck at them dont even try

every time i get even an OUNCE of motivation it gets ripped away from me as soon as i put pencil to paper and try to even draw a line. im being deadass if i draw just a single fucking line i crash out because it isnt good enough its not perfect enough it just wont work with the stupid fucking drawing

i hate this why cant i do anything?? anything at all?? I'm begging the universe to just let me do SOMETHING

why isnt anything good enough? why cant i just draw and be happy about it? why does everything become a competition with myself and how do I always lose?

i just keep drawing things that look like shit and flipping the page and drawing more shit and repeating that over and over until i scribble down some useless words like "what the fuck" and leave it at that and go back to scrolling. what am i even doing? why does everything I make look like trash? i just want to create something and enjoy it i hate nitpicking every little thing about EVERYTHING and immediately deciding it sucks and is the worst thing ever and give up

the internet is horrible and gives the same advice over and over and over and over and it NEVER WORKS. IT NEVER WORKS I TRY AND TRY AND TRY AND IT NEVER WORKS NOT EVER.

"draw something intentionally bad!" i tried that and for some reason i still got so angry at the fact it was horrible

"try a new medium!" that doesnt do jack shit bc my sculptures are trash too

"copy something you liked!" my copy will never live up to the original and its uncreative and stupid and ugly

"doodle something simple!" NOT EVEN MY FUCKASS DOODLES ARE GOOD ENOUGH

I JUST WANT TO DRAW SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING. is that really too much to ask?? I cant "take a break" thats ALL I'VE BEEN DOING ALL SUMMER. i wasted my summer sitting in bed staring at this stupid computer screen and doing NOTHING i love and NOTHING i enjoy because whats the point of that when it will just turn out horrible anyway? I HATE SUMMER its just the same thing OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER I JUST WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. 

haha sorry for crashing out guys this is just so stupid why is everything i make worthless trash? im tired of this i want to quit art and quit drawing and quit everything forever i just cant take hobbies anymore bc wdym everything i make is horrible? theres always someone better than me i will never be the best at anything its just not fair. idek why im saying its not fair bc it is fair obviously people are gonna be better than me so idk why i care so much

idk what to do. not even youtube videos are stimulating everything is so boring and meh and my chest hurts.

anyways 1 day clean from ai !! :333 lets keep the streak going gang haha :)))