im so tired of my mom

ive been trying to be myself for the longest while. it's easy to do that online but in person it's not. im a trans man and my whole family doesn't accept me for who i am. i cut my hair like last year summer bc i wanted to be more myself and embrace who i am when my mom found out she was furious with me. i tried to get out of that control she had on me but then she just found another way to control me. she ofc told my grandparents and they've all been shaming me ever since. my mom made me wear wigs to go places and hats when i have to go walk the dog. i can never just have my hair out naturally because she things it doesn't look good. mind you im black and i have 4c hair. i told her it'll just grow back again but she wasn't having it. it's been like this for a year now and ive already had my hair permed many times, got braids, the whole bang. the only thing i never tried on my hair was locs another type of braid and i thought it looked rlly cool yk? i had told my mom abt it and she thought it was ugly too and said how i want to look just like my dad and then proceeding to say, "i raised you better than this" like what the fuck?? it's my fucking hair, not yours. I should be able to do what i want im old enough now. she always controlled what i wear and how i would look going out for years now and im an young adult now. i can't go anywhere without her being there. she also doesn't let me have privacy at all and not when i order things online she always has to know what im ordering bc i have to tell her. she doesn't trust me because i got chest tape behind her back to bind bc i fucking hate bras and ik for a fact she wouldn't let me get chest tape. i did what i had to for myself to be more comfortable and she keeps taking it away from me. now she's making me wear extra padded bras and more feminine clothes because she wants me to be more girly and it makes me so fucking dysphoric wearing it. i just fucking hate this man. get me the fuck out of here.