I'm tired chief.

At dinner today I was joking around with my little brother about shoving my cornbread muffin down his throat because he said something slick to me and he said nuh uh bro i'm good and I told him on a more serious note that he could gain weight by eating bread because he's trying to gain more weight. He asked me if it was true and I said yes but then he didn't believe me because I didn't gain weight, for context I was like 90 pounds in the past because of a disease I have with my thyroids that causes them to work overtime which means I had a faster metabolism. My brother didn't believe me so I told him I weigh 110 pounds now (My original weight before my thyroids got super bad and I had to go to a hospital) and he was shocked and asked me how many pounds I gained which is 20 under two months and he was asking me how and blah blah blah and my dad joined in the conversation and was like wow thats big back behavior and how I was gonna be 200 pounds like my big brother and then he made a joke saying that I wasn't because then I wouldn't want to eat and my youngest brother joined in just talking about my weight and stuff and it was embarrassing and it felt degrading in a way too. It's crazy because I've always been self conscious about my body and how much I weighed because my family always comments stuff on my body and it doesn't help that my grandma, my mom, my aunt, and my big brother are overweight so it makes me self conscious a lot. And everyday, every single day I check in the mirror how my body looks, before I eat, after I eat, I drink something, holding my breathe in to see how I'd look if I super skinny and stuff, it doesn't really help that I always feel bad about eating something even though I know I shouldn't. I don't know what do do honestly, my head hurts and there's a million thoughts racing through my head right now.