imposter syndrome or reflection or whatever

not once throughout my life have i ever felt like an 'artist'. i make stuff sure but being an artist feels official, like a badge. to be an artist people say you have to reflect your feeling into your art but if you feel numb or cptsd gets the best of your emotions and recognition of them, and youre unable to put them into any form, does that invalidate you?

and if enjoying making art is part of it, what if also, you slowly lost the spark of joy you have when making things, in the rare time you stop attacking yourself to make things? does that or the combination of both, mean you arent a real artist. i feel like compared to genuinely everyone else, im just a person that found a way to make stuff that looks like art sometimes occasionally. ive referred to the feeling and my 'art' as skinwalker art. very mentally ill no one shouldnt adopt this. skinwalker art is when, yeahh it feels and looks like something an artist would make, but its not made by one its made by me, it feels like things have less purpose, its not open enough to interpretation or specific enough to have any sort of audience that relates.. its just.. there. its like its pretending to be "REAL ART". 

i dont know if i count as a real artist, i feel like if i was i wouldnt be so roadkill in the brain, id be able to make vent art and know what to do, right? when its a collage id go "i want this image there and this one here" and shit, and drawing id go "id want this and this" but i cant even do vent art. its frustratitnggg