inhuman (poem)

my head hurts from how hard it is for me to seem human 

but all my work goes to waste, as they still see me as inhuman 

could they tell that im a robot? 

or could they not? 

people avoid me 

its not a surprise 

im a strange creature in all of their eyes 

they can tell im different from normal 

and im definitely abnormal 

i disgust everyone as if its my job

my father hates me, and i feel really bad 

i want to change myself to please him some more 

but can i betray myself? im not really sure 

im scared of rejection, im scared of objection 

im scared of their eyes and im scared of their lies 

"oh, im not annoyed", "you're just a bit different!" 

im know im those things, but im certaintly not stupid 

i am very weird, and i feel so alone

even my own house doesn't feel like home

im yelled at at school, and im yelled at home too 

their complaints are the same, could they find something new? 

no one understands, i dont mean to sound edgy 

but really, i could need some support to be happy 

i feel so excluded, i can even put it into words 

and the loneliness is insufferable, and so painful, it hurts 

i try hard to be normal every single day 

in fear others will see me in a different way 

i cant love myself, not when everyone doesnt 

because all the pressure i feel really feels sudden 

im not ready to be grown, i can hardly handle fifteen 

i know that i'll hardly be alive by sixteen 

nonetheless, all i can do is cope at this point 

despite wanting to start writing my suicide note 

as strangers always tell me, "don't let the sadness win"

thats fine, i'll suffer in silence, as a "confident human"