Is it only me that sometimes gets jelly of people on here ):

K THIS SOUNDS REALLY BAD AND THAT WE SHOULDN'T BE PUTTING DOWN OTHERS IK but lowk there are times I'm browsing through, like, super cool users pics and I'm like "damn I'll never be like that cuz I'm too basic" 

Idk how to explain it, but I don't really do what I REAAALLY wanna do cuz I wanna impress my parents instead of scare them away or smth idk. I mean throughout the day they barely see me except during lunch and dinner and when it's my turn to do the dishes lol. It's a new tactic I developed so they sorta forget about me and I get to do what I want. 

I really wanna dress the way I want to but the people around me suck ): 

I've tried decorating my room in a way that I think is cool buuut my mom took a few posters down and said they were "satanic" (one of them was a black cat, another Evanescence, and a MCR poster) and said I can't put anything more up on my wall. Tbh I wanted to make my side of the room feel more like ME so maybe I'd gain the confidence to dress the way I want to. But I don't think that would ever work because I don't control what I wear. 

This sounds weird but when it comes to clothing, my parents buy and choose for me. I don't pick what I want so my fashion sense is ASS. I wear the same thing nearly ALL the time because the rest of my clothes are just horrible, they're too long and they're something someone way older than me would wear. It just doesn't feel like something someone my age would ever wear. I feel like they just forget that I'm not a woman, I'm just a 15 year old girl. And I wanna dress like one. I may look way older than I am but STILL. 

SO I can't help but feel jealous of people on here because they dress so cool. And I can't help but feel upset about the fact that I'd never get to dress that way because I'm too afraid to speak up against what I don't like. 

Idk how to explain it but uhm when my parents ask if I like something they picked out for me I just say "yes" because apparently that's the only answer. I mean at least my dad picks out decent clothes, the clothes my mom picks for me? HORRIBLE. Like okay I understand I gotta be a lil modest, but wearing a shirt that looks like a fucking BAG? NO. I don't think she understands the fact that I dont wanna dress like her, and when I tell her that she says that I'm being an ungrateful b*tch and that she's way more fashionable than me. LADY YOU'RE IN YOUR 40'S. YOUR FASHION SENSE IS DIFFERENT FROM MINE OH MY GOD. 

But yeah I just wanna dress cool with what I already have. Maybe on my birthday I can ask my dad if I can shop online? I don't like expensive stuff cuz it makes me feel guilty (also part of the reason why I never ask for anything). Except idk how to. I'm not allowed to diy my clothes (my mom won't let me) and I don't want the style to be too striking cuz like my mom would NEVER let me walk out the house (she already judges what I wear which is why I always wear the same hoodie or jersey all the time). I HATE IT HERE UGHHH