Issues with myself

Sometimes I feel like I’m impossible to understand. I tried to commit suicide by overdose when I was around 12 or 13, and I’m trying to stop sh, I used to feel a desire to end my own life, but whenever I told my mom, she’d say things like, "You have everything you want,just try taking a bunch of pills and see what happens!" I know she cares about me, though.. She even hid the medicine box or something similar. It makes me wonder if I really have issues. I’ve been psychologically "off" ever since I was SA. I never had any parental controls on my phone, so I developed a porn addiction as a child (which made me repulsed by sex) and was exposed to g0re, which left me paranoid and insecure, constantly thinking someone was about to come and kill me. I saw a psychologist who recommended that my mom take me to a therapist, but according to my mom, "Therapists are for crazy people." I miss talking to someone about my problems, but I stopped trusting my psychologist because she almost made my relationship with my mom even worse. Still, I think I’ll be okay; I just feel like an idiot, or maybe I *am* definitely an idiot, I don't know.