It's how it is

Everyone is constantly proving to me that I shouldn't let myself be vulnerable around people. Once they find out how hopeless I am, they'll let me know that I'm exactly who I think I am lol. They don't see the worth in me anymore because I'm just going to die anyways, right? What's the point if it'll only end in loss, right? Is that how they think of me?

I'm not going to pretend everything's okay with me. If they want a better or healthier company, I understand that, but fucking hell just tell me. I won't get mad, what gets me mad is these mixed signals I don't understand and spend hours trying to figure out on my own. What do you want from me???? Are you just fucking with me or what?? Do you actually like me or is this a pity thing?? I don't even know why I care this much. I shouldn't. It's the same, again and again, I need to stop getting my hopes up. Only then it'll stop hurting all the damn time.

I hate everyone so much but the only reason why they're acting like this is because how worthless I am. Hate myself I should just fucking di