its like

im fighting myself everyday. i dont know whos thoughts are whos anymore, but i know theyre all mine one way or another. the past few weeks have been a blur and i barely can remember anything. i was stupid and impulsive and did impulsive things. i can only rememeber how cold it was, how sweaty i was, how it hurts just laying there. im not the one who bears the details. 

schools been rough. i had nothing to look forward to, genuinely, but i/he pushed through for some reason. cant help but feel so angry all the damn time, i think i had a bad fit because i kept losing all my good pens. and stumbling over myself. i cant fucking do anything lol killlllll me before i lock myself in the bathroom again.

recently ive been feeling a little better. better as in, clearer. more coherent. enough to write how im feeling like this i guess. i have no more vengeful feelings for my ex-friends, thats something. it just gets a little lonely but thats not an unfamiliar feeling.

some feelings dont go away and i dont know what to do with them.