It's me, once again (tw: religion)

Here I am again. Not really sure what I'm doing, but still expected to live my life acceptably as an adult. 

I've been thinking lately of religion. I'm surrounded by a very specific one, being in the States, but I really mean all of them. I guess this is my time to state that I am an atheist and that I live in one of the reddest, highly religious portions of the US of A. There are literally "JESUS IS THE ANSWER", "GOD IS ALMIGHTY", etc., large signs everywhere in any given direction. As well as all flavors of churches that outnumber actual employing businesses, though they're their own type of businesses in the tax-exempt sense. 

As well as being surrounded in my personal day-to-day life, even in my work, it is also to be expected to listen to music dedicated to and be surrounded by all kinds of wording or paraphernalia that is the usual display of said religion.  It can be very disheartening to constantly feel like you're the odd one out, even if you don't want to be included in that specific club. You're always just aware that you don't really fit in. I know others also feel that way just for existing. (LGBTQ+, BIPOC - like myself, but this isn't really about that specifically).

This is coming from someone who was forced to join a cult when I was 13 by my "loving" parents. This particular faith gave my father full and unquestioned authority over our lives; he eats that up. He's told that he is the most special of specials, and that's what he also eats up. So, it was an immediate conversion for him and a long, slow, and adapt-or-die upbringing for the rest of us. 

Still, I can't help but feel jealous. I honestly wish I could believe in something like that, not that specific cult, just faith in general. Genuinely. I am very envious, but my logical side just can't. I know that religion of any kind is fully human-made. I can't pretend it's otherwise. I do like religious music for the emotion behind it and its raw vulnerability, and even some specific parts of any "holy" text can be beautifully poetic. 

So, I was looking for an atheist "bible" or equivalent. Something poetic but obviously atheist, so logically comforting rather than "be good or else". No blood sacrifices needed. I searched, and while I found maybe one that could be a close match, it may be too broadly secular while soft on the rejection of religion. Not really what I'm looking for. I've even flirted with the idea of writing it myself. 

I know that sounds stupid. Trust me, I don't know why I feel the need to even want something like it. There'd be no "god" to speak of in it, but I also don't want it to be a holy book of any kind. No worship needed. Just maybe some self-help without needing faith, but self-reflection? I don't know. It's stupid. More emotional than I'd care to admit. While I wish I could pretend to believe in something, I just won't, or in a real way, can't. 

"What god is worth worshipping if you don't get something in return?" If there's no salvation or "heaven," why worship at all? I only met one man who said that if god sent him to "hell", he'd still worship "him" because god's worth worshipping just for existing. I still don't understand it. 

So, in my thoughts of writing this nonsense book (😅) I kept thinking of how to start it. Maybe something like:

"At the beginning of our understanding of existence, 13.8 billion years ago, the universe was a hot, dense place without stars. Then space began to expand. As space expanded, the universe cooled. Atoms formed. Gravity drew gases together, finally allowing stars to kindle into light. Over time, stars and gas gathered into galaxies. From those ancient flames came the heavier elements that would become part of new stars and planets, and, much, much later, living beings able to comprehend, study, and wonder. Us."

And maybe some form of edicts? I don't know. 

1) "We stand on this planet in the only vessel we will ever inhabit. Our consciousness may make us distinct from other animals, but it gives us no holy authority over them or the planet. We are part of this world, not its wardens or rulers. It is in our reasoning that we recognize cause and effect. We can harm and be harmed. Because we understand harm and recognize its consequences, we should not cause needless harm. When harm is unavoidable to prevent greater harm to ourselves or others, we should choose the least harmful course and remain accountable for its consequences. Empathy is understanding our fellow beings' experiences, and sympathy is the concern for what others are going through." Ect.

Maybe call it "The Text" in both a literal explanation of the inside of the book while also being an exceptionally boring title. 😂 Again, I know it's stupid. This is also way too long. I'm done rambling. 

[My next post won't be about this. This will probably be my only post about it]

🖤