John 15:18

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”

Ever since I first heard this verse, it has always been my favorite. I didn’t know why it resonated with me sm but now ik why. I’ve always had this fear that looms over me, of anyone hating me. This fear is so prevalent to me bc I’m terrified at the thought of no one loving me. I have a difficult time loving myself bc even though my parents didn’t mean for this to happen, I didn’t feel much love in my childhood and I was taught (unintentionally tho) that I was undeserving of love and put others above myself (like in a way where I only cared abt how others were feeling). Now, I crave love from anyone and anything. Even tho I shouldn’t care what others think of me, I still do bc I can’t stand the idea of ppl thinking I’m a bad person bc that’s the exact opposite of what I stand for. It makes me feel like I’ve failed and I either reinforce the self hatred I have for myself, or I desperately try what I can what I can to prove them wrong. Or both. And this is something I’m actively working out within myself bc this isn’t a healthy way to live life at all. But I find so much comfort in this verse bc it reminds me that Jesus understands my pain. He experienced it first! He was literally the PERFECT person and ppl STILL hated him. Despite all he’s sacrificed and given to us, ppl STILL thought he was evil! This verse shows me I’m not alone. Im comforted by God bc we both have an understanding of that fear, desperation, and sadness. This also shows me that my self worth and judgment of whether or not I’m a good person, should not be determined by ppl, especially of ppl I don’t even know, bc they’re an unreliable source. The world hated and even crucified a PERFECT MAN so I shouldn’t stress abt what that world thinks of me ❤️