just freaked in drama today !!

had drama today and we had a solo acting assessment but my social anxiety came out to play and I lost my 'keeping cool' streak for the first and hopefully last time this year.

it was last period and I asked the librarian if I could stay there and help out so I don't hav to go to drama. and obvi that's not how it works and she tried to hype me up and walked me to class but then i realised we were late and everyone was already writing in their booklets and i just froze like an idiot and couldn't walk in the classroom, after about 6 minutes of the librarian trying to hype me into the classroom she decided it was better to go to the chaplain, holly [we call her by her first name even teachers hell I don't know her last name].

she asks me what's up and I explain and she says i can run to the printer and grab some papers she printed out and I can go with the librarian to the library for the rest of the period before going home. I do that and I'm sitting at the librarians desk and she talks me through why I'm feeling anxious the source of the anxiousness 'whats the worst that can happen?' and all that. we talk for about 45 mins and its going ok but on mondays we leave at 3:10 instead of 3:15 so then I have to leave and I take the last school bus hoping it would be quiet but no.

so I did arrive in time to catch the first bus but i hate a crowded bus yannow and i just had a long hour but two girls who were in my drama hopped out the bus to ask me if I'm alright and such, I told them something personal came up and that I'm just fine.

then I got home had some leftover mac n cheese and unboxed my dawn of the dance draculaura. I got clawdeen yesterday, she's totally my fave, even if I now have only one clawdeen doll now, I've got three draculauras, reel drama, dotd and signature 2012 [not budget line]. my collection is pretty small even though I've been collecting for years now I've only got 10 [actually eleven but my ghouls alive spectra is missing basically everything and I still hav to restore her].

I also had some orbeez lying around so i used them to make stress balls with clear balloons for the librarian, holly and I have to make another for my drama teacher since i see her on thurday again [hope I don't freak again].

posting about this is better than wallowing in self loathing so like

signing off,

Ilinca