just talkin about how shitty i feel

hey sailors.

bit of a serious blog today..

I feel so lonely. I feel like no one is there for me. I feel like no one cares.

I feel like I'll never be someones number 1. I'll always be second best.

im certain im not anyone's favorite person, but if I am, you shouldn't have someone like me be your favorite person.

im jealous, im a liar, im two faced, I overreact, I have hurt and betrayed more people than I can count. 

and yet my friends still love me.

still forgive me.

they never gave up on me.

and, if im being honest, I think they will. someday.

im happy to have such great friends, but I ponder every now and again:

"do i deserve this kindness after everything that has happened?"

I dont think I do.

and yet, here they are. still believing in me.

still.. tolerating me.

I know one day they'll all leave.

they always do.

and I won't blame them when they do finally leave.

the amount of times I have betrayed my friends, made them uncomfortable, hurt their feelings is.. small, but even then. i should've never done those things.

I dont know why they stick around.

and I guess I never will.

˙•✧

sorry for the sad blog today, sailors. Just feeling down in the dumps. I'll post a more happy one sometime, but for now.. bye sailors!

Claudia signing off! 🌸