kinda important question

Should I write another letter to give to my ex..? I did write one but 1. I didn’t fully understand the situation and blamed some things on him and 2. He didn’t get it anyways, kinda glad for that 

But now I understand the situation and both of us a lot more — me, being a toxic person within our relationship (I do half-forgive myself because I know that I didn’t know what I was doing, I was being abused, didn’t mean to hurt him that bad + I probably have conduct disorder so emotional intelligence isn’t really my strong suit), and him being a vulnerable person like I was who got caught up within the messes of me trying to cope with my life who I hurt very badly — I want to re-write my letter. I know he doesn’t want to hear from me and hates me, as he SHOULD, but I really don’t want him to think I was being harmful on purpose. Even if that doesn’t matter. 

I’m not trying to manipulate him. There’s absolutely nothing I’d gain from writing this letter other than peace of mind and maybe him not shit-talking me, but I could manifest him being quiet anyways, so that’s not the main point. I want to do it because I want to explain myself, I guess, and finally take accountability while also giving grace to both of us. I don’t blame him anymore. So.. should I write the letter? I probably will anyways and he can deny it if he really doesn’t want to hear from me. A teacher will give it to him so he can just say no if he really wants. But I want to give him one last letter before I fully move on. I don’t know if I feel guilt but I do feel some sort of ‘badness’ knowing how much I harmed him even if I harmed myself over it too. 

hopefully if I do write it he’ll read it. I don’t expect a letter back or forgiveness or anything like that. I’m not even sure if I want it. I don’t think I do. anyways bye