TW: mentions of S.A. and an abuser (did not happen to me), detailed violence
I was thinking about making two separate posts, one talking about how I feel in school and two, how I feel about the world as a whole, but I decided to just make a lengthy blog.
I just wanted to say this first since it's very petty, but I changed my layout and I forgot to copy the html thing to the CDs that were on my page that I took over an hour to do. It's not very hard to do it, but this made me think about how much time I waste on here and my addiction to this website (it's the only social media I have, I hate other social media).
The next thing is not petty at all, it's completely reasonable and it's overwhelming my life. I get that everyone complains about their school and it seems like it's just something that every teenager hates because they're stupid and are addicted to screens or substances or whatever. 100% not always the case, maybe school is just a living hell? Maybe we can't fucking focus because our classmates can't shut up for one second and ACTUALLY listen to what the teacher's saying? The American educational system is horrid, the school aren't funded enough, our government is raising us to be illiterate, mindless robots? The school system quite literally teaches us to MEMORIZE rather than ABSORB and we rush through pointless notes and rush reading so that our brains are completely numbed without understanding anything we were meant to understand?
My main problems with my school obviously branch out from the problems I listed before. Non-stop chattering, no, actually, SHOUTING; students using A.I. to answer everything therefore they get better grades than the students who are hardworking; my classmates are saying SLURS (N slur, F slur, R slur) and the teachers don't do anything; and teachers are using A.I. to create images and assignments when there are non-AI sources for both of those things.
My worst class of the day is Environmental Science. When I step into the classroom, I already know how I'll feel the entirety of that class. Overwhelmed. Not because I have so much to do in the class, because the case is actually quite opposite. You see, I'm in 10th grade, but my school switched the 10th and 9th grade sciences this year so that 9th takes Environmental Science and 10th takes Biology, so since my grade took Biology last year, we have to be with 9th graders.
EVERYONE except for me and four other people in that class is disruptive the entire time. They don't take my teacher seriously, and I assume it's probably because she's short and a woman. Anyways, I'll give a description of the boys.
1. They ALL try to fit in bc boys are JUST as bad or maybe even worse than girls with fitting in
2. They joke about the most fucking horrendous things (mainly rape/rapists) and say slurs, but nobody fucking says anything and the girls still talk to them because I guess they just want to "keep the peace"!!!!
3. At least one of them is talking at any time, they stare at the teacher and whistle until she looks because they know it pisses her off and she keeps telling them to stop but they don't care, keeps threatening to write them up but she won't and also they don't care
4. They joke about the openly gay boys in my school, yet they HUMP each other and touch each other, and I KNOW the teacher sees them, I guess she'll never write them up. Not like that'd do anything but make the boys annoy her more
The girls are basically just obnoxious, they make fun of the "weird kids" yet when they do the EXACT SAME THING those kids do, their entire friend group laughs. There's this one girl who acts as if everyone in the class thinks she's hilarious. She stands up and does cringy shit to make people laugh but I don't think people really care. Last year she called someone on our track team by his deadname for whatever reason and she kept craptalking people
I can't do anything in that class. Today I asked my teacher if I could wear headphones while I work because it would help me focus since the whole class was doing whatever they desired to do, but she said that it's a rule in her classroom that you can't wear headphones. Okay! Looks over at my friend, sees the VISIBLE ear buds in her ears. 😐 I'm bringing ear buds from now on. I usually wear headphones with a cord... Anyways, I almost cried because everyone was so overwhelming, and I know she could tell because she kept looking at me and telling the class to be quiet and mindful of others, but they tuned her out and kept talking!!!! I decided to stop working since there was only 10 minutes left of class.
Anyways, that's the end end of my rant about that class. Now I want to talk about the absolute idiocy of my peers in general.
How the FUCK did it become NORMALIZED to make jokes about RAPISTS?
I am absolutely horrified of humans. How COULD we joke about other people being absolute monsters towards other people? Do you not UNDERSTAND the REALITY of this?
When I hear people joke about such things, it breaks my soul into a MILLION pieces. I want to skin myself right then and there. NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING, THEY BRUSH IT OFF, ACT LIKE OUR WORLD IS A BIG GAME BECAUSE WE'RE PRIVILEGED AMERICANS WHO HAVEN'T EXPERIENCED SUCH THINGS. (Not including the people who HAVE experienced things of course).
This was enormously prevalent in school last year. I thought about it every. single. day.
A day did not pass without me wondering why my peers are joking about such an abominable event as what happened on Jeffrey Epstein's island, why humans were even a concept in the first place.
It seemed like I was in hell. TRUE hell. I never knew that we would come to a day where we would come to a day where we would make jokes about a SEX TRAFFICKER. THE PEOPLE IN MY SCHOOL DID IT EVERY. DAY.
We (humans in general) have become absolutely inhumane, incapable of even comprehending empathy, so desensitized that we don't know why it's wrong to joke about a sex trafficker? A man who stole children, FORCED children to bare children. I am extremely disgusted rethinking about this.
I would wish upon ANYONE who has done ANYTHING like what happened on the island are blinded, starved, beat everyday, spit on, burned, forced to go deaf, choked, and eventually hung. I hope anyone who joked or laughed about this is tortured.
I'm SO TIRED of these things being completely diminished and unaccounted for. People brush it off because it didn't happen to them or anyone they know, they don't have the time to fully understand what happened, or simply don't care. I am not that person.
This is the end of my rant. This is mostly for myself, but maybe someone else will read and relate. We live in a nasty world.
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