Life……

I live in an okay area that is smack near a park, which means homeless people, or just any weird and sketchy guys lurk…. Im trying to sleep but i hear this grown man absolutely breaking down and screaming and sobbing as if he saw his entire family die in front of him. But he’s LOUD LOUD…. And that just got me thinking…. I felt like i became really aware of the fact that im alive right now, and started paying attention to feelings and our purpose .. does living really matter? Does anything we do matter? We didnt ask to live, and now we are forced to accept that at one point everything we have grown so attached to and loved will all be gone, and we will be gone too. I feel like feelings are a curse. They could be beautiful to experience, but if i ever go through something extremely traumatic, it’s going to absolutely ruin me (and for sure ruin what I have built, what i have worked to in order to fulfill my purpose). I am NOT suicidal, it was just a genuine thought. It was difficult putting what i felt into words so it might sound stupid as shit.. “pero todo bien, gracias a dios” 😔