living for me - kinda corny but whatev

i want to say for the past likeeee 8 years or so i have been in and out of relationships. i have not been by myself in such a long time, even if not in an actual relationship i was still involved in some capacity with someone. this is the first time i have actually been by myself. no talking to anyone, no good morning texts. just me, living my life everyday. not consulting with anyone or considering anyone else other than me when making decisions.

it can be quite scary for me, honestly. i am so used to relying on someone else for regulation and validation. using someone as my purpose instead of seeing what i have to offer, myself. it feels so intense to really sit there alone in your thoughts when you have avoided them everyday for a long time. to feel the weight of them carrying you places you do not want to go. 

but then after sitting with them, nurturing them and figuring out the root, you realize you do not have to hide from your thoughts anymore. if anything it is important to acknowledge them in order to move forward and understand why i have been the way i was and who i really want to be.

 this is my second wave of liberation in my life. it is so freeing not being tied to anyone. doing things because i want to, whenever i want to. worrying about MY future and what that will look like. living for yourself is extremely underrated.