02/12/2025
It's been some time since my last Log Entry. I decided to contact some old space-farers I used to associate with. But soon after, I started feeling like they were stuck in time and I didn't want to join them in that, so I left. Something that one of them said reminded me that there is no one in the Galaxy you can trust. There are vast distances from here to the next solar system and even if you could quantify that incalculable distance, and look deep within it, you'd find that each organic life-form is made up of the same components. People are all the same.
I recently spoke to someone who asked me if you trapped light in a box, what would happen; would it go dark inside or stay light? It's a remarkable question. Out there somewhere is an equation to determine that very thing and a person to test it. One day someone will capture light in a box like lightning in a bottle and my life will be unchanged. I'll still be clumsily scraping barnacles off some ship in outer space. I wonder what the point of trapping light is if you can't see the light.
Anyway, I often think about all the billions of folks out there and how many of them act out each thought with such acute precision, with each passing moment planned and it all coalescing into the maelstrom I see around me. It all feels like chaos. Just nonsense. So then, why does it seem like they all have it figured out?
As for me, I've exhausted my energy reserves. The raging storm once contained within me seems to now be sputtering to a pathetic end. If a body in motion tends to stay in motion, then what's stopping me? Will I fail again? If so, I will not survive it. I think I'm nearing the end of my journey.
It's supposed to be weightless in outer space but I feel more encumbered than ever.
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