long story and VERY huge TW

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️VERY LONG AND HUGE TW⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

the world is so unfair, i must die.„

“i can finally be free again!…„

that was me ** years ago.

i’ve not gotten any better since.

i’ve only gotten worse.

the only reason why i haven’t kms yet is because my bf needs me.

he cannot be alone without me

i genuinely just fucking can’t anymore

there’s just no point.

goodbye.

“Justin was 8 when it started. He suddenly got a 🌽 addiction then it all just suddenly- fell apart.„ 

“ Justin’s 8, he’s constantly watching 🌽 every day.„

“Justin’s computer doesn’t have restrictions!„ “It’s his fault for looking up that kind of stuff.„

Justin is EIGHT. He never understood anything or what it was. He’s in second grade. He knows how to reproduce.

Justin is 11. He becomes suicidal because his family is abusing him for no reason. “You’re so fucking stupid.„ “*sa’s me*„ “You’ve gained weight!„

His MOM sexually assaults him. he’s about to become 12 he doesn’t know what to do so he just lets it happen. The summer before 6th grade, it’s a big thing no? Why are you so sad? Justin comes out as gay and t-trans..? (?) His mother “supports” him but she never bothered to even try to call you by your preferred pronouns or name.

Justin gets into middle school, it’s going fine until he CONSTANTLY gets sent into suspension for no reason right? I always do my work. It’s not worth getting punished. He searches up things on the school chromebook. He remembers the past when he was happy, still in El Salvador. Justin’s memories aren’t very old, the oldest being when he turns 4 years old. The year after he moves to the US. Justin is sad that he has to leave his friends, he remembers that one time when he scraped his knee and got a huge scar on his leg. The scar has faded but he remembers the memories. Justin arrives to the USA and he’s exploring his new home, suddenly *crash* I’d break a table.

My dad makes me pick it up. I don’t remember much of my childhood when he was here or ever really interacting with me in any way. Last time I remember something with my dad is when I was about 10 or 9. My mom sat me down and said “Me and your dad are getting a divorce.„ I cried that night, imagining how life would be without my father. Surely I’d never see him again right? Back when I moved to the USA, I was in Hawaii. One of the most beautiful places right? 2 Years later I move to Georgia (USA). It’s where I will probably be for the rest of my life. That’s where it all begun. Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, BPD, etc…

I never noticed it at first. I thought it was hormones because other people my age were getting taller, gaining more weight, getting acne, braces and everything. I thought they were cool.

By the time I was in year 4 (4th grade), I started noticing my behavior wasn’t normal. I was failing all my tests and classes, overall my school life wasn’t great. It never was.

By the time I was in 5th grade, I was already getting in trouble and my mental health wasn’t the best. November passes by and December arrives. I’m at one of the lowest points of my life. I wanted to die every single day I woke up. By the time next year arrived it’s gotten a bit better right? I found new friends to play with. By the time May comes around, It’s gotten worse, I fucked up so many times.

They all block me.

I get to that low point again and my addictions start coming. Fast forward to about…. August. I started cutting for the first time. I still do it today, I mean it’s not looking like it’s gonna get better anytime soon right. The day December comes around I finally get to my lowest.

I tried committing for the first time.

It didn’t work.

Tried a second time.

Still didn’t work.

I gave up and went to sleep, already dreading the day that surprises me tomorrow.

Fast forward a couple years, I’m now the age I am.

I’m still bad in mental health, and school.

I remember everything.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I tremble when I hear his name.

I never wanna hear it again.

I will never forget what happened.

You DISGUST me.

I love you, Azazel. —your bf