Loser in the courtyard

I felt like such a loner in the courtyard today my friend left early to take senior pictures and I finished my lunch early so I went out to the courtyard to wait for the bell to ring and im just looking around and I see a group of kids playing volleyball and I couldn't help but keep thinking "why can't I do that?" I hate that sometimes im anti-social and dont want to be around people but at the same time I do and I dont get it I want friends but I dont want to deal with having them if that makes sense? Dont get me wrong I love my friends that I currently have but I just feel like such a outcast with my own generation I dont feel like I belong anywhere.