making friends is hard (tw vent idk)

i struggle making friends, always have. it just seems like im an alien whenever i try talkinng to new people. i never know what to say and i the things i do say just seem wrong or dont make any sense. im annoying, i can admit that and ik that thats one of the resons no one wants to be my friend.

im also like lowk a bad friend... im not mean or anything i just dont talk.. like i barly ever text first and i leave people on read and delivered all the time AND I FEEL SO BAD!! its a habit i cant get rid of. its kinda ruining the few friendships i have. all of my friends are slowly drifting away and it fucking sucks, its the worst thing seeing the only friends youve had for years just slowly drift away and grow without you, they get new interests and just dont even think of telling you about it, they get in a relationship and you dont find out until months later, they change their name and you dont know until a year later (all from personal experiance) it hurts because they were people i talked to almost every single day and now they dont even think of me. they all have new better friends and meanwhile i DONT have any new friends and i CANT make any new friends because no one likes me no one wants to be my friend. NO ONE. 

i could kms and none of them would mourn me