me feelings abt pronouns and myself???

i just wrote this text and then it got deleted cause i wasnt connected to my account im gonna kms ughhh

its been a while since i found out about agenders and then started applying this term to myself, and then i had time to figure out that your pronouns and your self identification dont always need to be associated with each other. i feel like inside im just a miserable man in his 40s or an uncle who always makes absurd jokes or even some sort of animal like dog or squirrel. its not a 'woman' or even 'man' its something vast but also very specific. i just so dont like when theres only two sexes and when there's many genders i still don't want to have something exact.. sometimes pronouns i use feel heavy on my mouth and i feel too conscious about them (with my friends i use any and with others she/her but it kinda doesnt change much), and when someone tells me im a woman it feels wrong. is it just the word? or my perception? i just don't want to be something that can be described with one word in this society we have. ok no i think i formulated it badly... oh man whatever. i know about neo pronouns but i dont think its something i would use either. i wish i could just not use words that have any information about my gender. well it si what it is, good nighties guys