Mental health rant...

This post is just for me to clear my mind ig and let out some confusion ive had. Im doing okey tho and its not serious!!

Ive had it pretty good i will say in life, but still when i feel good it only takes one second for that to turn bad. Its been happening a lot where my mood changes because of small things that makes me want to cry. I know people notice ,but they dont actually try to help me, so in the end of the day i just end up crying alone in my room. I also get easily tired lately, especially after socialising with others.

As i said my mood gets ruined often, like today i was at a family gathering and everything was fine until my mom mentioned how closed of i were when i were 13-14. It pissed me of and made me almost cry, i got quiet so i wouldnt cry and my mom noticed so she stopped talking. But it feels so weird having only one comment make me sad so easily. Like i were so happy after seeing my extended family again and now im still sad. 

Things like this makes me tired and makes me want to just rot in my bed all day. So i stop doing things, like forgetting to shower, change sheets and clean my room. Which makes me feel dirty, but i cant be bothered to do anything, but the feeling of being dirty is so sickening and makes me disgusted by myself. Its not as bad as other have it though. Due to school i go back to my rutine in the end. The feeling of going out dirty over wins my laziness. 

Socially im also wondering if im doing good, i have what i would say a lot of friends. Though people at school are pretty weird. There is this one girl that i swear hates me and my friends. She and her friends exclude us from things and she keeps being mean and bitchy when i work with her. Its okey though as long as i dont have to work much with her. The boys on the other hand are just a mess. They are really loud in class and even less mature than the people from my last school, so the bar is already set in hell. One time they started throwing food at me specifically, idk why ive never talked to any of them and i dont know which one of the guys did it, but it was really embarrassing. They would roll theyre food into balls to and then throw it, it was disgusting.

Im afraid that im getting bullied by them, idk ofc it has only happened one time, but since them and a few of the girls seem to have a hatred for me, im scared of getting bullied. I really like this school to, it has great teachers, is in the middle of the city and i have friends there. Its just im scared of my class and what they think of me. At least im not bullied yet. 

Last thing is ive been struggling a bit with food. Everytime i eat new food i get really nausceous and i want to throw up. Many of the times it has been due to the food containing something im allergic to, but many times its not. Like on time i drank this really good mocktail, but it for some reason had egg in it. It wasnt written on the menu so when i found out, my whole day were ruined. Because of incidents like that i always have this back thought that the food im eating can contain something im allergic to. The only place i feel safe is in resturants i eat often at and have a "safe food" or food cocked by my mom. Im going to try to get help with this though, because everytime i go out i feel like im making a scene because my paranoid as gets nausceous of food no matter what. This is a pain escpecially at vacations, so hopefully my school nurse can help. Idk who else i can ask for help for. 

Things are just os messy and tiring right know, i lowkey just wanna sleep all day instead. I have things that motivates me a little bit though. Like my birthday party, halloween party, kpop, series(especially Mr.Fanboy) and buying albums lol. But my Halloween party might be canceled because my mom doesnt trust me with having the house for myself...and i swear if the party gets cancelled i will literally break down.