i've been talking to a lot of my connections lately but i keep feeling like something's missing or i'm not there even if i think i'm being invested. i think i want my neurons to touch someone else's so there's no space but never physically, just the electricity
it might be on me because i don't really tell anyone about my likes and super-likes but i'm such a loser nerd about things i feel like it's so annoying. i will keep keeping it under lock and key however. i don't like people to think about my peculiarities but they catch on against my will😥
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VoidCat444xxX
i kinda get you in some ways due to potential adhd and stpd, like i already struggle to connect with others for a variety of reasons but my obscure interests makes it hard ti bond with ppl as well bc there's so few ppl who are interested in the same stuff and also the esoteric thought patterns and beliefs i have make me afraid of people and i don't want to tell them bc if i do i feel like they'll think im dumb and crazy and it'll ruin my life or get me sent to a hospital so yeah-
no matter what i wont rlly find u annoying dw ^^ im just not super active or social it doesn't mean i dont like you i just need a lot of space and get busy often
i get that :( i've been thru a lot of alienation in social settings and in my own family's house so it's really hard for me to get close to people, much less talk to them. its so embarrassing because i should know this already but i haven't picked it up at all despite my age.
my own beliefs are also really weird and i really try to keep a tight grip on it for the same reasons 😭 there is no winning without conforming brah omfg and there ain't a guide to follow either
by cadey; ; Report
oogh yeah ong TToTT
by VoidCat444xxX; ; Report
my therapist said that she suspects that i may have autism and i've just been wondering how long she thought that and what habits i have that may have given that kind of impression as i've been trying to integrate but it alludes me.
i've been on a waitlist since the last year and i've just been really anxious about if a diagnosis is gonna really change the course of my life that much :( i really value my autonomy and i don't want words on a paper to ruin that for me
by cadey; ; Report
oogh i mean it depends on probably at least somewhat on where you live, what level u have (as its a spectrum they assign u a level of sorts to determine what level of support needs you are at) like on one hand a concrete answer can give closure, make it easier to find and get accommodations and treatment options (since they have concretely identified whats going on and all) but also it can impact your autonomy, ability to get a job, even enter certain countries, and the medical discrimination can be WILD. In the end its up to you but those are some of the pros and cons ig.
by VoidCat444xxX; ; Report
yea, that's exactly why i'm kinda stressed about it. i like to keep my knowledge about certain program fundings (aka ones that do apply to me or may apply) and it's only getting worse in my country/province😬
honestly society as a whole is just regressing so its hard to imagine a good outcome ack,,, the urge to start living in the bush is getting vv strong lately and i don't wanna become a crazy person yelling on the streets about imminent doom
by cadey; ; Report
yeah i feel you, hermit mode never looked so appealing TToTT
by VoidCat444xxX; ; Report
error
perception is subjective but who you truly are is objective. that’s something no one can take from you even if they interpret you in certain ways as you said “against your will.” that being said i am also a super duper loser nerd about many things and am down for you to share things like that with me, if you’re comfortable with it that is. you’re very cool and i like talking to you. there’s always space for you to exist within our conversations, that’s why it belongs to both of us ^___^
dissassociation is a bitch and i know it’s not always intentional even but just know that you’re allowed to exist and i enjoy what you bring to the table, even if it’s just been samples so far.
you’re definitely not annoying, not to me 👍
sorry about replying so late but this is very sweet of you😣
i'm perpetually embarrassed and its hard to manage when i'm not eloping, but i'll do my best to open myself more because i do like talking to you too😤😿
by cadey; ; Report
cadey
i really try my best to be authentic but i backpedal way too much