ive been listening to more emo music lately and it's been making me feel a certain way that i find nice. the specific song im listening to on loop rn is six years home by hopes die last.
the feeling this song gives me is special. it makes me want to go outside and walk around and just experience life. experience reality. go on a swing and revel in the fresh air. be happy. it makes me want to sit down on a rooftop, holding hands with my partner, talking about whatever's been on our minds.
i am not someone who goes outside a lot. i tend to stay in my room and socialize through the internet. i have 2 friends in real life, one i've known for 10 years who is pretty busy and we dont see each other much, the other i do visit more often but still not a lot.
sometimes i get so stuck in my head that i start thinking i'm not a real person. that i'm comparable to software with how little connections in the real world i have. my life is deeply rooted in the internet, while in real life i may as well not exist.
but the music i love makes me want to change things. it makes me want to go on a walk. who knows, maybe i'll meet someone i can get along with.
when i was 15, i spent an evening in a playground, swinging back and forth, singing a song to myself. it was "this guitar" by fraxiom. i felt alive.
i'm 20 now. i want to think that i'm not too old to change things. that i'm not too old to dream, to meet new people, to experience more than i ever did.
maybe my teenage years were wasted.
but my life has still yet to truly start. i just have to push myself out of my box.
i'm doing this for the 11 year old girl buried in my soul.
it'll be okay. everything will be okay.
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