My Best Friend has Dengue

I have this friend, let's call her D. D is one of bestest of friends and I love her with all my heart, but tragically I heard from my other friend who is her cousin that she was hospitalized from Dengue. And well, I'm scared. Because a while back, my father had Dengue too. And D is my biggest supporters. I'm scared for her. I don't want to think of having to live in a world where she's not going to be in it. And I can't fucking visit her in the hospital because my fucking Mom decided that I was gay because of my friends there and moved me to fucking Catholic school in the city. Now, my friend is being hospitalized while I'm here studying. And she's a fucking genius. She is a beautiful girl with so much potential and it just pains me to see her get hurt like this especially since she has experienced so much hardship as a lesbian in a country where queerness is mocked. I hate this life. I want to die.