my dad is so controlling :/

literally every time i want to do something my dad always ends up doing everything in his power to talk me out of it and when i finally cave in and say im not doing it he acts like im "fighting him" and "pushing back" (his words btw) and he acts like its my fault that im mad at him. 

he acts like he knows me better than i do. literally he makes me use life360 spyware shit on my phone and IM LITERALLY 18. 

like i get being protective over your kids but im an adult. i should be able to live my life as i want to. 

literally my only form of entertainment is doomscrolling and playing video games, and god forbid i want to order food for myself. i cant go out, i cant socialize, and he knows how shit ive been feeling lately because im so lonely. he doesnt care he just wants me to stay inside all the time for my "safety" knowing DAMN WELL im a grown ass woman and yet he still acts like im a toddler asking for a gun. 

while i was writing this blog my mom came in and tried to talk to me, ig she tried to make me feel better about all this but it honestly just made things worse.

this same situation has happened multiple times. he huffs and puffs for me wanting to do something, i take a deep breath to try and regulate my feelings, he snaps at me and then i break.

me and my dad have basically gone through a lot of the same stuff. he never fit in in school, neither did i. he always felt like an outcast based on something he was born with (for him, race), same with me (for me, gender). i feel like with all of this he should understand me better than he does but he just doesnt. i know he loves me and i love him too but i just wish he could understand me better. 

just had to get this off my chest