my friends are on A level bullshit

my life has been hell and heaven recently so I haven’t blown my shit off yet but I think I might just kill everyone else if this absolute tomfoolery continues 

my friend is also friends with someone who abused her. I’m an abuse victim so I don’t like that and honestly Ive never liked her friend so #intuition for that. ive told her openly that she should leave him because he literally abused her. she says ‘I don’t want to I like him’ which I think is a little birdbrained but I understand it because I didn’t leave my ex when they were abusing me but I tell her that she needs to think about it. 

Ive been distancing myself from them both because I feel a little insulted that she hangs around with an abuser but I try not to be mean about it because I understand it. But she literally left me in the canteen to go and see him and another friend an hour ago at lunch so it made me super annoyed because she knows my mental state has been ass recently. I give her some lenience because she is a little neurodivergent (I would have skinned and worn someone for doing this to me if I was a year younger so big steps guys) but she’s talking about some ‘I need to please both of youuuuuhhh I feel so stuck’ 

now here’s where I get a little more emotional. I understand because she has a lot of classes with him, their lives are quite intertwined. Ive told her that she can sit with my in English if she wants to but she hasn’t so nevermind I guess. But her saying stuff about needing to please both of us and trying to have time with both of us and that making her stressed makes me annoyed because it feels like the most obvious thing to do here is to leave the one who fucking abused you and stay with the one that didn’t? The worst thing is I understand it. I completely understand it, but it still pisses me off so bad. 

She just texted me ‘I’ll tell you both how I really feel later’ so fuck me I guess. God does not want me to have normal friendships. I am gods strongest soldier. I am athiest.