My physical appearance is generic

I swear my overall appearance is so trash. Like I can’t wear any clothing or makeup because my parents disapprove of being trans or whatever. Even if I had cool clothes I would still look like a generic white boy. I wish I was born a girl, and I wish I was able to have experienced I’ve never got to have. I had so many hopes that my parents would love me for that. That my mom would even help me through the process, but she thinks it’s selfish. Sometimes I do think that I look subtly like a girl, but it often involves me mangling my clothing, and putting my face lower so it doesn’t show much complex facial features I have. I’ve learned that keeping my face mostly still when I talk can lead me to look less like a guy. But then I can’t really smile, which is what experts believe helps with passing or whatever. My hair is also really short, so I can’t do much with it. And it’s curly so I can’t have much bangs. Anyway imm tired I’m gonna go to sleep.