My point of view of what has been happening this month.

(This is not a sign for help, I am just expressing how I feel).

Well, I am not sure how to feel right now. I'm utterly flabbergasted and I have no words. Maybe one, irritated is the word. I am not at all satisfied with what happened at home, now that I have to deal with annoying people at school makes it worse. I have to deal with everything in my house now, there will be no breaks after school and I wonder how I can manage my time. I feel like a let down, I fucked up my hair and kept cutting it. Now I'm constantly being made fun of losers who goof off once they're at school. I wish I could live a life of peace instead of my mom overwhelming me every second of my life. She thinks that the devil is controlling me because I don't believe in God, she even made me go to church for the youth group and I was barely paying attention. Flipping pages of a book that a fictional god thinks he's better than me is not what I want to spend my 2 hours of.

It's funny she even thinks this about me, I remember just being 12 years old and she called me the devil once for no reason. It was out of context too, how did she come to that conclusion? She tells me she loves me but forces me into something I don't want to do nor agree too, The church wasn't bad because I made a friend but it didn't change my point of view at all. At least I can burn out 2 hours of my Fridays since I have nothing interesting to do at all during night time. When I came out as atheist, my mom was completely going crazy and when I told her my top three priorities (because she asked). She was upset that God wasn't my first one, I have seen my family before not god. So my family should be first because I was the first to experience their love. 

You know, sometimes I wonder why my mom doesn't understand that we both have different perspectives of a living god and that's okay. We don't always have to agree on something, so why argue or force something into something we both don't want to be a part of. My mom says "God loves you!" so why doesn't he come down and tell me? What happens if I tell you that science loves you? No, she will go insane if I tell her that. If she can reject science's love, then I can reject god's love. As simple as that, my therapist told me If I keep on agreeing about going to church this will help her get off my shoulders and once she goes away. I have zero problems, nothing to worry about. I will be free once I am an adult. Wonder how this plan will work out, well. Let's see how it goes. 

  Happy Halloween EVERYONE