My trauma and what it's done to my empathy.

DISCLAMIER/TW: Please don't cancel me. This isn't my fault and my parents won't let me get therapy. TW: SA and r4p3

I've been getting r4p3d and SA'd by my brother since I can remember. I'll get into detail in another post, but not in this one. Growing up everyone ignored the signs and they didn't do anything. My mother even walked in once and she just separated us for 10 minutes, but I was still forced to share a bed with him. Anyways, back to what this post is about. I barley have empathy for humans, specifically men. It's really hard for me to feel bad for people. Whenever my friends are venting to me I don't feel anything and I feel awkward with those emotions (it's important to note 99% of my friends are males). I still try to comfort them because it would be wrong for me not to, right? Whenever I see a post on something bad happening to someone I don't feel anything, but if it was a character from a show I'd definitely feel something. I cry more over characters than I do for actual people. I think the reason I feel like this and my lack of empathy is from the adults in my life ignoring me and the abuse I went through. It's not like I don't have empathy at all, but I feel like I have very little of it.

I'm not trying to be a horrible person but I really can't control how I feel.