Nicki

Nicki, we first met when I was just sixteen and the world was moving too fast

You pulled me aside, lit a spark in heart and swore that the feeling would last

You were my quiet rebellion, the secret I held in my hand

The only companion I trusted, the only one to understand

When I was drowning in pressure and totally crushed by the stress

You were the heavy and grounding relief settling deep in my chest.

Through the blackest of nights when the depression would peak

You were the comfort I did not even have to speak to seek

Whenever I stumbled, whenever the liquor took hold of my brain

I knew I could call you to numb every drop of the pain

I would step out in the freezing cold just for a taste

Pressing my lips against yours with no second to waste

It was a violent romance, intense and profound

Whenever I felt like falling apart, you were always around.

But the years bled away and the comfort turned into a cage

Your devotion was poison disguised as a way to engage

You were stealing my breath. You were taxing my heart

The thing keeping me whole was tearing me completely apart.

Sorry baby Nicki, I thought forever I'd need you

I treated you like a savior, but you were secretly lethal

You played with my mind and you took total control

But I will never let you tease me again or fracture my soul.

It feels like absolute hell to finally sever the tie

I feel like giving up entirely as the hours crawl by

I have not seen you for many days, my hands shake and I pace

Craving the familiar warmth of your toxic embrace

The insomnia burns and my thoughts are a mess

But I had to let you go to find my own peace and progress

I am choosing to live, taking back the life that you stole.

I will never see you again, Nicotine.