no title

the darkness revolves around me

i can't stop crying

my mom keeps screaming

and those stupid songs keep appearing

if not, the other ones come up or i put them on purpose

and i miss you, and us

even when it hurts

nothing seems right and i don't even know what i'm doing anymore, it just keeps getting worse and i get closer to the edge to fall off and let myself be free

the cycle keeps repeating.

people laugh over me because i "have it easy" or because they "suffer more than me" (didn't know it was a competition, we could take this much more far and you would get your mouth sealed.)

nothing seems to work and i'll never be the person that they want me to be. i wanted to, for a long time. but things happen, and i couldnt fight anymore for what they wanted me to. 

my throat hurts, it's sealed.

nothing is enough for you, for her, for us, for them. i can't give out more, i don't have more. what more do you want? ugh, i'm shaking again.

i feel like i'm going crazy trying to see.. anything. something. a little or big thing. 

this can't be sane. or healthy.

nothing is enough. 

not only for all of you. Me.

it's me. i'm the problem here. i'm sorry i keep appearing on all these things, i bet that's why you want everything from me. i laugh just to put my two hands against my face and cry after. 

i'm not everything you wanted me to be. probably not even half (since it's never good enough)

what's happening to me? i was getting better.

shit. yeah. just when i was getting better.

the cycle keeps repeating. i don't know why i thought it'd be different this time. 

do you feel my skin? it's cold.

I've got absolutely nothing yet you keep pushing me for more, and i always find a way to give something. that's my problem too. 

i wish you knew how much all of this is going wrong. i wish you'd see how frustrating this is and how fucked up this has been for me, for many years. how every person that has gone and done me wrong in so many ways have appeared either way and expect me to give them second chances. i wish you'd see how sick that makes me. i wish you'd see that even if i don't even like me, i loved you, and i was trying my hardest. i wish you'd see others instead of only yourself. i wish for a lot of things, and one of those is that one day i'll rest in peace.