NOT a vent! 😋

I’ve been noticing that I’m more confident lately. I don’t really know why. I don’t know if it’s the manifestation or a spell has been put on me or what, but I feel actually confident. Not in the old way where I simply had a large ego but other than that was not outgoing at all; I’ve been actually confident. I’ve been telling people in my school halls to walk faster, albeit very quietly, I’ve told people to stop pushing others, I’ve called to my teachers from my seat rather than putting my hand up or walking over to them just to talk quiet anyways. I’ve been able to walk up and talk to people at tills where before I would have been extremely nervous. I’ve also been drawing things that, if I tried before, would have felt like god himself was over my shoulder judging me (I draw naked people because it’s fun). I’m still a very quiet person, and I still do my best to avoid people, but I feel more…normal. It’s amazing. I feel like a person now, while still being able to sink back into the shadows, unrecognised and happy. I think I like myself this way and I hope I get even more confident. 

All of this may sound incredibly small to people who have always been confident, but I’ve been a quiet and anxious child since birth. Even making my very first blogs on here made me sweat, even though now I write blogs whenever I want about whatever I want. I’m not active on any other social media site — the most I do is repost things on TikTok. So going from the most neurotic little teenager ever to actually being able to…do things, even if I still do feel extremely outcasted, is something I am very grateful for. I feel chosen. I feel favoured, I feel as if something has chosen me to as something to shower its graces upon. I feel light and positive and good, even if rot still covers some of me.