Online diary pt. 1

My birthday is coming up, it's next week today. I'm turning 16 years old, and I'm excited because I feel like I'm finally becoming my age, but a part of me is scared and almost frustrated. I'm getting a lot of things I've been wanting for years like getting a job and moving in with my dad outside the city, but I also feel like I'm not actually growing up. I've gotten older, sure, theres no denying that. But there's just this weird feeling in my chest when I think about how long I've been alive. I kinda miss being a little kid, dreaming of becoming a teenager and wondering how great it would be, but I'd be so disappointed if I saw who I was today. I can't sleep at night, I have only a few friends that I even consider actually talkong to and hanging out with, I can't stand being sober and when I am I'm just miserable. It's not something I'm exactly upset about, but it's been keeping me up at night these past few days and I just feel like I'm floating through the months that pass by. Nothing feels... Useful. I dunno if it's just me, but being a teenager kinda sucks. I don't really fit in anywhere, none of my friends really like each other, my family is splitting apart, and I feel like I'm just kinda in this spot where I have walls put up around me, keeping everyone just out of my reach. Or keeping me out of everyone else's. Idk how to end this off, so I'll just say that I'm mostly just writing in here for fun, and it's nothing too serious. Just shower thoughts.