play

do you ever feel like you're being pulled in 5 different directions? like no matter what you want to do, something always collides in your head? like you're not sure what you actually want.

is this part of me the real me, or is it just another side i use to play a role?

i keep trying to escape myself whilst simultaneously trying to find it. i'm playing cat and mouse with my own damn self and nobody's winning.

i don't know if i'll ever be able to just be. i'm good at running away, i think. but i can't run forever. some parts of me just aren't good for some people and they'd rather not deal with it, and i understand, i wish i didn't have to deal with it either. 

i guess everybody plays roles, multiple, all the time. but while others might feel like their roles are a part of their whole, i feel like they're all separate and would rather die than merge completely. no one person can ever see everything i am. there's always something i have to hide, and how can you trust someone who has things to hide? it seems to be easy, somehow. i know people, they trust me, they confide in me and tell me things they wouldn't tell anyone else. they come to me when they feel vunerable and find comfort in my presence. and i feel bad for them. i'm sorry that i'm your source of comfort. i'm sorry you don't know everything about me and i'm sorry you never will.

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