?

I find it sad that I’ve completely given up on being an open book. now, I am closed. I have been healing so much which I am proud of myself for. but in the meantime of these few years, I feel like not a single person has wanted to get to know me. no questions asked. I just am there. even a person I was seeing for a while had no inclination to be curious about me. not one question about myself. what’s helped with this is that I’ve completely given up on expectations. for family, friends, partners, etc. it has been like this for too long now that I just stay quiet. I gave up. I wish I could have been my old self throughout these new chapters. I hope someone will come along & spark it back up again eventually. till then everything is dull. I think this is also about me missing my best friend. I wish things didn’t play out like they did. she was one of the only people on this stupid earth that understood me on a soul level. saw my gender without judgement & would call me a prince. read me flawlessly. maybe we’ll reconnect in the future. I just have more that I know I need to do & also take accountability for. my heart hurts. I hate being scared of people.