...

I'm so tired of people bailing out on me last fucking second. Imagine planning to do something life-changing and the person you're planning with just decides not to anymore and now you're alone in it. I'm so fucking tired. I don't know why I even look forward to things anymore. What's the point of finding joy in your possible future if everyone just fucks it up and makes it impossible.

I want to spend an entire day with my partner? It's tomorrow? Suddenly their dad wants them to attend a funeral for a guy they've never seen in their life (past event)

I want to go out somewhere? It's a very close place? Suddenly the person has plans for that day even though we planned a week in advance (past event)

I want to get out of this place? It's genuinely a massive life changer and I can't do it alone? Suddenly I'm alone because the other person just doesn't want to anymore even though we planned a year in advance.

I thought I could fucking trust this one, I thought I could look forward to this one, but I guess I was fucking wrong. I'm always wrong. Nothing ever goes right, it's like they can sense I was starting to get better and then fucking rip it from me because they knew it was something that would help me.

I genuinely can't look forward to anything again. It's useless. It does nothing for me. I can't be happy. I will never be happy. I just have to accept it.